Be Angry But Don’t Sin

This is what the Scriptures speak about it in Ephesians 4:26: “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” (MSG)[1]

In order to understand how powerful anger is when uncontrolled, let me share you a story I come across: This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or you wish to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Let us keep in mind that we can never attain to have self-control at all times. The Scriptures does not even prohibit being angry. As a matter of fact, we are allowed except do not allow yourself to sin with it. We can never take back what was spoken out of anger. There is a prayer that we can apply found in Psalms 141:3 and it states, “Post a guard at my mouth, God, set a watch at the door of my lips.” (MSG)[2] Remember that when you pray this prayer, our teeth that stand as a guard will bite an angry tongue.

What will be the best antidote in order to restrain oneself towards anger and to avoid any damage as a result? Let ‘s heed what James 1: 19 states, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (NLT)[3] It is very important to know what constitutes our communication system. Let me share what I have always discussed during pre-marital counseling in the area of communication. I’ve discovered that our communication system involves three major things and its percentages; 38 percent tone, 55 percent non-verbal and only 7 percent words. Therefore, when these things are considered carefully and fully remembered, I believe that there will be moments of peace in any conversation we will have with one another. The target plan is for an anger to be controlled accordingly within the right parameters, but cannot be removed altogether.

Therefore, communication is a process and needs to be learned as a skill in order to have the best relationship in all levels. Here’s another principle to remember to become a better communicator: “A person who is angry on the right grounds, against the right persons, in the right manner, at the right moment, and for the right length of time deserves great praise.”

Having the right mindset and to follow wholeheartedly what the Scriptures have declared to do will allow us to get a better grip of any words that comes out of our mouth whether in anger or not. In doing so, people around us will become comfortable whenever we are with them knowing that we will not become a volcano ready to erupt at any time. We are able to do it especially when we have God on our side. Keep praying that our mouth will always speak blessings and not curses. And in this kind of prayer, God always answer us.

Let’s talk again!

---

[1] The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

[2] The Message (MSG) Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

[3] New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust.

The Power of Forgiveness

A little boy, being asked what forgiveness is, gave the beautiful answer: "It is the odor that flowers breathe when they are trampled upon." And always remember that this is what best describes forgiveness. To many people, to forgive is the hardest thing to do especially those that have been injured by another person big time. However, it is also the best thing that anybody can do for another to personally obtain genuine peace and joy in one’s life. On the other hand, inability to forgive imprisons one soul in painful resentment and utter despair. It is a decision that no one can make for another. A deliberate choice must be made to do so. Most importantly, it is given not asked.

Recently, I came across a BBC news article that discusses forgiveness: “So what does true forgiveness really mean? And how can it be achieved? Throughout history, forgiveness has often been seen through the prism of religion, rather than of science or psychology. On Good Friday, the Bible says Jesus Christ said "forgive them Father for they know not what they do" as he was on the cross.” Jesus walked what He taught even at the cross. It wasn’t easy but He did it to the amazement of His enemies and to be imitated by His disciples.

Jesus taught it plainly to His disciples when Peter asked Him about it: “Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21-22). Forgiveness is a Christian principle that MUST be applied by those that adhere to Jesus as their Master and Lord. If Jesus exemplified it, then His disciples should be capable of doing it as well.

The art of forgiving is a spiritual grace every Christian should develop. Because this is so difficult to put into practice, Roy Smith, an author of bible study materials offers the following suggestions: 1) Begin by assuring yourself that compared to Christ's suffering you haven't been seriously wronged at all. 
2) Recall the many kind deeds that have been shown to you, perhaps even by the person who has harmed you. 
3) List the benefits you have received from the Lord. 
4) Thank Him for blessing you with His love and forgiveness each day. 5) Make an honest effort to pray for the one who has injured you. 
6) Go even further by looking for an opportunity to help him. 7) If the offense is especially hard to forget, try to erase the memory by thinking gracious and generous thoughts. 
8) Finally, before you fall asleep at night, repeat slowly and thoughtfully that phrase from the Lord's Prayer, "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."

Here is a prayer that we can apply daily to apply forgiveness as often as possible as Jesus’ disciple:

If I have wounded any soul today,


If I have caused one foot to go astray, 


If I have walked in my own willful way— 
Good Lord, forgive!

If I have uttered idle words or vain,


If I have turned aside from want or pain, 


Lest I myself should suffer through the strain— 
Good Lord, forgive!

If I have been perverse, or hard, or cold,


If I have longed for shelter in thy fold, 


When Thou hast given me some fort to hold—
Good Lord, forgive!

Forgive the sins I have confessed to Thee, 


Forgive the secret sins I do not see, 


That which I know not, Father, teach Thou me— 
Help me to live.

Learning to appreciate the power of forgiveness provides a secure life of peace and joy. Having no heavy baggage to carry around, an individual will be free as a bird to face anything it may encounter. It is a great advantage to ensure that forgiveness is an attitude to adopt at all times however small the issue maybe. As the popular saying goes, “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” And it simply means this: Forgiveness of those who have wronged us is very difficult but very Christ-like. When those that professes to be Christians applies the power of forgiveness at all times in any situation, many will see Jesus and become attracted to Him.

Lets’ talk again!

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

 Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. Here’s a story to illustrate it: A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them rides on the donkey?” Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey. Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman." The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders. It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river.

You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Thus, do not be too bothered by others' words if our conscience is clear. And having this kind of standpoint ensures the needed stability in one’s standing in the midst of differing opinions. Moreover, it is what will provide the needed shield against personal insecurity.

Whether we like it or not, people will freely speak their mind to whatever they see that triggers it. They will always have something to say even if they don’t need to. And this should be expected as normal part of everyday living. It might not be personally against you but they might just be stating a quick and hasty opinion at the moment.

However, having such an atmosphere creates the dynamic of dialogue towards positive or negative results. No matter what the outcome, it will always lead towards favorable or unfavorable actions to both sides. We see it everyday in all aspects of family, political and elsewhere. But the most important thing to watch out is our response to the critical perceptions directed against us.

After all - it's just how you look at things. Here’s another illustration to clarify it: “A man was driving in the country one day and he saw an old man sitting on a fence rail watching the cars go by. Stopping to pass the time of day, the traveler said, "I never could stand living out here. You don't see anything, and I'm sure you don't travel like I do. I'm on the go all the time. The old man on the fence looked down at the stranger and drawled, "I can't see much difference in what I'm doing and what you're doing. I sit on the fence and watch the autos go by and you sit in your auto and watch the fences go by. It's just the way you look at things."

Choosing to see the better view of things and situations will provide an opportunity to do great things about it. While choosing to see the unpleasant will drastically reduce enthusiasm and lead to despair. The same principle goes with people perception; personal opinion should be delayed long enough for the right information about the person is gained.  In doing so, prejudgment will be radically avoided.

But always get the right perspective of things. Here’s an example: When Goliath came against the Israelites, the soldiers all thought, "He's so big we can never kill him." But when David looked at the same giant and thought, "He's so big I can't miss." Life’s challenges should not become obstacles. Why? It is because challenges when seen by an optimist become a stepping-stone towards greater things while obstacles when seen by a pessimist become a stumbling block. The Scripture stated the attitude we should adopt, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).

Therefore, let’s choose to see the beautiful things of life daily even when ugly things rear its head. As much as we desire to remove them from our sight, always remember that God’s blessings abound much more. Let God’s word have the final say in our lives not any man’s.

Let’s talk again!

Letting Go of Bitterness

Think about the oyster. It takes a grain of sand and turns it into a beautiful pearl. Too often we are just the opposite--we take pearls and turn them into grains of sand.

How does the Bible describe the origin of bitterness? Hebrews 12:15 states ”See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”  (ESV) It is a root that can start from any offense even the smallest of offense that were left for the longest time. Furthermore, Song of Solomon 2:15 explained “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom."(ESV)  Thus, it is not the major things that causes men to be bitter but the most unexpected little events or issues in life, relationships, and etc.

What does bitterness do to any person? Here’s something I came across that seems extreme yet true: “A rattlesnake, if cornered, will sometimes become so angry it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is--a biting of oneself. We think that we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves. What’s the antidote that can be done? Let go of all bitterness! Many would say, “It is easier said than done!” The only reason that it would be the hardest thing to do is the inability to release forgiveness to the person that made the offense. However, in my experience as a Church Pastor, I have discovered that most of the time, the person accused of causing the offense was not even aware that the actions he/she made became the source of offense.

Misunderstanding, miscommunication, misconception, and all other “misses” are common starting place for bitterness. I have personally learned and taught many that the best way to avoid all of these things however they may be substantiated is to give people the  “benefit of the doubt” at all times. In doing so, you will never become trapped of it and may miss the good intentions of the person involved. I always believed that everybody means well until proven otherwise. It is not bad to adopt such mindset or labeled as naïve of the “reality of men’s nature.” I just made an individual choice to see the best of people first before making any judgment or assumptions whenever possible.

No one must live with such bitterness baggage all their life. It must be dealt with correctly and quickly to avoid poisoning every facet of life and relationship. Often times, even the way they look at life is totally affected by it, thus, losing total peace and joy in the process replaced by grumpiness and negativity about everything. What a sad way to live life: always bitter. Therefore, aim to become “Better not Bitter!” We all know that life is too short to be lived in such a state.

Looking at the greatest example in the Bible taught us to let go of any root of bitterness at the worst of situation: hanging on the cross at Calvary. Jesus gave us an example to emulate when He said, “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” What a powerful expression of forgiveness towards the religious leaders that condemned Him and the Roman soldiers that carried out the sentence. It was simply applying what He taught to where it needed to be relevant. Jesus walked what He preached about.  Jesus’ words are applicable to any situation whether an offense was done or unkind words were spoken to us.

Just remember that our reaction will determine if we are going to be bitter or better than the person who acted or spoken unknowingly and/or unwittingly. Always remember Jesus’ words that can become a way out of any root of bitterness that can place you in bondage for a long time. Let go and do it immediately without any delay. If anyone said something that offended you, say this prayer aside from what Jesus said, “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are saying.”  Become a better person not a bitter one.

Lets talk again!

Every Father’s Mandate

Let me begin by sharing this endearing story that I came across: “A director of one of the great transcontinental railroads was showing his three-year-old daughter the pictures in a work on natural history. Pointing to a picture of a zebra, he asked the baby to tell him what it represented. Baby answered "Coty." Pointing to a picture of a tiger in the same way, she answered "Kitty." Then a lion, and she answered "Doggy." Elated with her seeming quick perception, he then turned to the picture of a Chimpanzee and said: "Baby, what is this?" "Papa." It gave me smile when I read it and I know it made you smile as well.

Being a father of two teen-agers has brought me to another level of adjusting my relational mode of fatherhood to both of them. I am personally blessed with a 16-year old teen-age boy and 13-year old teen-age girl. They are both very precious to us for they were born into our family as God’s gift and blessing. As of this time, I have not asked them if their picture of me would be a “chimpanzee” and I’ll sure to ask them. However, I know that I am still in the process of being the father that my God wanted me to become for my children. Although, I know that I may not be the perfect Father but I’m trying my best to provide to my children what I can as their best Father in all aspects of their life.

The mandate of fathers can vary from culture to culture. But the Scripture provided a very specific mandate for all fathers to remember as the apostle Paul exhorted: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV). It is in direct parallel to Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Simply stated, the mandate of every father today has not changed as God Himself prescribed then and for tomorrow i.e., to provide the foundational principles of discipline and instruction in the ways of God for the sole purpose of preparing them to become what God intends them to be. With this in mind, fathers become co-managers of God’s purpose in their children’s life.

By not knowing this mandate would jeopardize the whole fatherhood principles that God set for His glory and purpose. God is our God and also our Father in Heaven. Fathers have a huge responsibility to represent the fatherhood conscientiously as a direct reflection of God as our Father. A father that has a direct personal relationship with God will never go astray in representing God to his children and it will become evident in their children’s view of life and death. Here’s a story that would best illustrate it: “A devoted father came into the room where his eight-year-old was dying of an incurable disease. The child, sensing that he was not going to get well asked his father, "Daddy, am I going to die?" "Why, son, are you afraid to die?" The child looked up into the eyes of his father and replied, "Not if God is like you, Daddy!"—(Sunday School Times).

What kind of fathers do we need to become? Allow me on this special topic to share a gospel parable of the prodigal son to show the clear mandate of what being a father is all about (take special note of the underlined statements for fathers to remember): “And He said, There was a certain man who had two sons; And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the part of the property that falls [to me]. And he divided the estate between them. And not many days after that, the younger son gathered up all that he had and journeyed into a distant country, and there he wasted his fortune in reckless and loose [from restraint] living. And when he had spent all he had, a mighty famine came upon that country, and he began to fall behind and be in want. So he went and forced (glued) himself upon one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed hogs. And he would gladly have fed on and filled his belly with the carob pods that the hogs were eating, but [they could not satisfy his hunger and] nobody gave him anything [better]. Then when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father have enough food, and [even food] to spare, but I am perishing (dying) here of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; [just] make me like one of your hired servants. So he got up and came to his [own] father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with pity and tenderness [for him]; and he ran and embraced him and kissed him [fervently]. And the son said to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son [I no longer deserve to be recognized as a son of yours]! But the father said to his bond servants, Bring quickly the best robe (the festive robe of honor) and put it on him; and give him a ring for his hand and sandals for his feet. And bring out that [wheat-]fattened calf and kill it; and let us revel and feast and be happy and make merry, Because this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found! And they began to revel and feast and make merry. But his older son was in the field; and as he returned and came near the house, he heard music and dancing. And having called one of the servant [boys] to him, he began to ask what this meant. And he said to him, Your brother has come, and your father has killed that [wheat-]fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and well. But [the elder brother] was angry [with deep-seated wrath] and resolved not to go in. Then his father came out and began to plead with him, But he answered his father, Look! These many years I have served you, and I have never disobeyed your command. Yet you never gave me [so much as] a [little] kid, that I might revel and feast and be happy and make merry with my friends; But when this son of yours arrived, who has devoured your estate with immoral women, you have killed for him that [wheat-] fattened calf! And the father said to him, Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But it was fitting to make merry, to revel and feast and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and is alive again! He was lost and is found! (Luke 15:11-32 AMP).

May all fathers aspire to become like the father of the prodigal son. Happy Father’s Day to all and may the Lord God bless your aspirations and dreams for your children and your children’s children.

Let’s talk again!